I’ve gone crazy.
Maybe not completely crazy to the point where my mind is in non-stop euphoria or chaos–but, I’ve gone crazy. Bat shit crazy. Wildin’ out crazy. Throwing and breaking stuff crazy. Yelling crazy. Even wanting to go out nude crazy. Why am I telling you about these things? Am I proud of it? No. And this crazy is most certainly not me. But I am telling you this because it has happened. It’s real, and my blog is not only about flowers, butterflies, and all things precious. It’s about real life. Real emotions and real experiences.
Long story short, I was wronged to the point that I felt I had the right to go crazy. Maybe at first it was ok for me to react that way. It was ok to let them know how hurt I was. But to bring forth hell over and over again? Boy, I was doing them wrong.
Stick around and I will let you know the beauty I have found after all this madness.
On August 19, I had a meltdown. Though this one was not as extreme as the previous ones I’ve had–ultimately, because over the course of time, I was aiming to be better. However, it was a turning point for me. The event made me look WITHIN me. DEEP within me. I came face-to-face with myself and was confronted with some ugly truths that I am now using to help me grow.
August 19 was such a turning point for me because I was done. Done with being angry and using past experiences as excuse for my ungodly behavior. Done with feeling sorry for myself. Done with regretting the damage I bring forth. Done NOT being the best I can be.
With that, my friends, I wanted to share this in hopes that it may help someone in need and as a reminder to myself of where I am aiming to be.
5 things that being crazy has taught me:
- Crazy has the ability to destroy things in a matter of minutes that took years to build.
– I am not only talking about physical things. This is also applicable to relationships and anything around us (work/school/finances/etc.)
- Crazy leads to regret.
– When the damage has been done, we cannot do anything about it anymore. Some may be fixable, but we won’t be able to see the same thing under the same light again. There have been plenty of times where I had to clean up my mess after my crazy. It never felt good and I always regretted it.
- Being crazy makes it difficult for people to be themselves when they are around us.
– This was a bitter pill for me to swallow because I did not realize the big impact my temporary feelings have done to others. It also made me become aware of the fact that I wasn’t being myself by being crazy!
- It hurts me, just as much (maybe more) than it hurts others.
– It never feels good when you know you are wrong and hurts even more knowing you have caused the people you love distress.
- I DON’T have to be crazy.
– Last but definitely not the least. Since the event, I have been dedicating more time to deep self-reflections, meditation, and prayer. It was revealed to me that I really do not have to be crazy or to worry AT ALL on things that are beyond my control. All I need to do is be the best I can be and let God do His work–in me and in all circumstances!
And there you have it. I finally received the message all this insanity was trying to give me. I feel so refreshed in knowing I am a new person. I feel good in knowing I am able to do better starting right here, right now. I am at peace in knowing I have a God who is able to handle the things I cannot.
What realizations / lessons have you learned or encountered lately? Please feel free to share in the comments below. I’d love to have ‘deep’ (comment) convos with my readers as well! 🙂