I’ve gone crazy.
Maybe not completely crazy to the point where my mind is in non-stop euphoria or chaos–but, I’ve gone crazy. Bat shit crazy. Wildin’ out crazy. Throwing and breaking stuff crazy. Yelling crazy. Even wanting to go out nude crazy. Why am I telling you about these things? Am I proud of it? No. And this crazy is most certainly not me. But I am telling you this because it has happened. It’s real, and my blog is not only about flowers, butterflies, and all things precious. It’s about real life. Real emotions and real experiences.
Long story short, I was wronged to the point that I felt I had the right to go crazy. Maybe at first it was ok for me to react that way. It was ok to let them know how hurt I was. But to bring forth hell over and over again? Boy, I was doing them wrong.
Stick around and I will let you know the beauty I have found after all this madness.
On August 19, I had a meltdown. Though this one was not as extreme as the previous ones I’ve had–ultimately, because over the course of time, I was aiming to be better. However, it was a turning point for me. The event made me look WITHIN me. DEEP within me. I came face-to-face with myself and was confronted with some ugly truths that I am now using to help me grow.
August 19 was such a turning point for me because I was done. Done with being angry and using past experiences as excuse for my ungodly behavior. Done with feeling sorry for myself. Done with regretting the damage I bring forth. Done NOT being the best I can be.
With that, my friends, I wanted to share this in hopes that it may help someone in need and as a reminder to myself of where I am aiming to be.
5 things that being crazy has taught me:
- Crazy has the ability to destroy things in a matter of minutes that took years to build.
– I am not only talking about physical things. This is also applicable to relationships and anything around us (work/school/finances/etc.)
- Crazy leads to regret.
– When the damage has been done, we cannot do anything about it anymore. Some may be fixable, but we won’t be able to see the same thing under the same light again. There have been plenty of times where I had to clean up my mess after my crazy. It never felt good and I always regretted it.
- Being crazy makes it difficult for people to be themselves when they are around us.
– This was a bitter pill for me to swallow because I did not realize the big impact my temporary feelings have done to others. It also made me become aware of the fact that I wasn’t being myself by being crazy!
- It hurts me, just as much (maybe more) than it hurts others.
– It never feels good when you know you are wrong and hurts even more knowing you have caused the people you love distress.
- I DON’T have to be crazy.
– Last but definitely not the least. Since the event, I have been dedicating more time to deep self-reflections, meditation, and prayer. It was revealed to me that I really do not have to be crazy or to worry AT ALL on things that are beyond my control. All I need to do is be the best I can be and let God do His work–in me and in all circumstances!
And there you have it. I finally received the message all this insanity was trying to give me. I feel so refreshed in knowing I am a new person. I feel good in knowing I am able to do better starting right here, right now. I am at peace in knowing I have a God who is able to handle the things I cannot.
What realizations / lessons have you learned or encountered lately? Please feel free to share in the comments below. I’d love to have ‘deep’ (comment) convos with my readers as well! 🙂
XOXO,
It’s good to realize when becoming crazy is too crazy, although I think a little crazy can also be good in some cases – but definitely not when it’s throwing you off the edge.
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I agree 🙂
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Kat, I love your heart so much, and how transparent you are! I love when you share REAL life in your blog. We all have seasons like that in our lives, and I thank you SO MUCH for sharing like you did. Even when we’re bat shit crazy, we have a God that cares and we can always turn to Him. Like you said, we can ALWAYS find something to be thankful for (1 Thessalonians 5:18).
Thanks gain for blessing my soul today, my sweet friend. You lift me up when you share the REAL side of you. Love ya, my friend!!
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Thank you for the wonderful comment, Ritchie. I appreciate your friendship 🙂
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Such an uplifting and inspiring post. Sometimes we need to go low in order to really gather the tools for better future.
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What a nice way to put it, Kazi!
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I’m so proud of you, for realizing and accepting your shortcomings. The most important aspect of bad times it surviving, overcoming and growing for the better. I wish you continued progress, Kat. I am working on becoming a patient person. I took some pointers from this post. Sending you love and light! Xo.
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Thank you, Benny! Oh, the journey of life. 🙂 Sending you love and light as well. xoxo
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Thanks for sharing! I had some crazy anger issues for awhile, mostly because of a bad relationship I was in that I didn’t have the heart to leave for some time. I’m so glad that cycle is over – it really did make me feel horrible and guilty. Even though the anger felt justified I was embarrassed later that I handled it so poorly. It took a lot of soul-searching and guidance from God to rid me of that anger.
I’m glad you’re finding your way!
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I know exactly how you feel. I am glad you are in a good space now as well 🙂
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So true!
You don’t have to be that way, no matter what.
Recently, one thing I have learnt in my relationship with others is to tell myself first of all “Calm down, Ima.”
Take things easy, don’t jump into conclusions, don’t take everything so seriously, don’t let them get to you.
No matter what things look like, I tell myself to start by calming down.
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Very well said, Ima. 🙂
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Very touching post, but I feel a little crazy adds to the taste of life, but it should not exceed the principles we set for ourselves to avoid regrets.👍
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Indeed, Tamara. 🙂 This point in my life, I certainly went overboard lol
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Such an honest post! I have been there way too many times to know. Thanks for sharing!
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Thank you for reading 🙂
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Thank you for sharing your thoughts! It helps to know some of us aren’t alone!
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Fantastic post! It makes total sense. It’s hard knowing the difference before going overboard. I think so many people will associate with it.
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Thank you, Naomi 🙂
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I think a little bit of crazy every now and then is good for the soul…just as long as you are aware of your limits and know when to chill out and take a step back
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I agree and at that point in my life I really did not step back even when I know I had to. Thank you for reading 🙂
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I think being a little crazy is important. That is something normal irrespective of what people might think. You should just know the boundaries 🙂
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I agree, boundaries are what keeps things in order even if there is a bit crazy 🙂
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everyone needs to be a little crazy!
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Amazing post and love all your honestly and a real life story to tell on your blog. It will help and maybe inspired other to what to do on this kind situation. But I´m agreed with you, that with those crazy and anger, it will help by praying to God and yoga, or meditation to help us calm down. Thanks so much for sharing.
XOX
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Thank you for the nice words, Kintan 🙂 I appreciate it.
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I love how you made yourself vulnerable by sharing this side of you. So honest and so brave! You have great insight to yourself, your past, and the changes you want to make. I have moments of self reflection all the time since I started this blog and journey of self growth and development. Happiness is a habit and I work on it daily. Anger stems from a lot of hurt and pain and I am glad that you are on a path of strength and positivity. Wishing you all the very best and many more strong days ahead. You have already taken a gigantic step forward! xoxoxo
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Thank you so much for your wonderful comment, Sheri. I greatly appreciate it. Wishing you the same as well xoxo
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Such an honest post. I defiantly agree crazy leeds to regret and we often regret what we’ve done. Thanks for being so honest xx
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Thank you for reading 🙂
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It’s real hard to share your life experiences with everyone buy you’ve explained it beautiful. Little crazy at times is fine and justified but getting too crazy or bat shit crazy is something which no one wants ..
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Thank you, Sana 🙂
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It’s it CRAZY how fast it can destroy its it’s own personal tornado! And you are absolutely right you don’t have to be that way.
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Learned the hard way but lesson learned nonetheless 🙂
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Great post! It’s good to know that some of us are not alone. It’s good to be a little crazy sometimes without going over the edge. I agree with you to let God do what we cannot.
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Amen. 🙂
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We all have been in your shoes at least once in our life. The very first step is to realize what is happening and to accept it. Only this way we can deal with craziness and move on after taking our lessons. I do this every time i have a crazy moment or situation in my life. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Helene/
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So true. It took me awhile but I was finally able to do so. Thank you as well
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Beautifully honest post, and always remember everything happens for a reason x
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Certainly. Thank you, hun 🙂
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Nice post there. Sometimes we just want to be free, and forget all of our worries and troubles. Going crazy for a while might be the perfect breakthrough. Funny though, but really a nice moment.
http://www.besthealthtips.blogspot.com
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Thank you
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It sounds so corny but communication is everything – even when you don’t want to talk you should say as much! I’ve learned to appreciate “being let in” even it it’s something I don’t want to hear. You can’t change people’s feelings – only help them work through them.
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Being vulnerable truly does take more work than not. I agree.
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Wow, that was very insightful. It also was very authentic and transparent of you. The one that hit home the most is that crazy can destroy relationships that took years to build up. So try. But the power of forgiveness can restore what crazy damaged.
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What hit me the most was I thought I have forgiven, but the fact I kept bringing it up before only means I truly haven’t. Now I don’t feel the need to bring it up nor do I feel any resentment towards what was done. I completely agree. Thank you.
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Forgiveness is a wonderful blessing
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This is such a beautiful post. It’s good that you are able to acknowledge and accept situations. Easier said than done, we should always want to be the bigger person even if sometimes we feel like we want to explode. I’ve had similar moments, but I always think about ‘grace’ and if getting angry will change the current situation. It’s actually helped me a lot of times.
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Thank you, Russ. Being more aware and observing myself has helped me. I will certainly incorporate “grace” more now
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This is a very inspiring post, I like how you write about the good and dark moments
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Thank you, Crystal 🙂
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That Mark Twain quote is so true and good to remember. I’m glad you were able to learn and grow from your experience.
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Me too. Thank you, hun 🙂
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this interesting *katrina.* i strongly agree with your first point that *Crazy has the
ability to
destroy things in
a matter of
minutes that
took years to build.* it has happend to me once and i regreted it. Thanks 4 sharing
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I regret this, too, Pospi. Atleast we learned and now we can do better 🙂
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i certainly crazy = angry hahaha… thanks for the post sis. I hope to see more of your post. Such transparency. Keep it up!~ xoxo
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Thanks, soul sister! I will be back to regular schedule now 🙂
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yay =) welcome back!
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Wow, I just loved this honest and deeply insightful post. It really hit home on a number of levels, and I will take this advice to heart. Thank you for sharing!
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Thank you, Cait
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Great post! Love how honest and open you are with sharing your personal feelings and thoughts. Thank you for sharing the advice! xo, sharon
http://www.stylelullaby.com/beauty/october-beauty-favorites/
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Thank you as well 🙂
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Sounds like you’ve reflected on this a bit. I’m glad you’ve come to a happy point.
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Likewise. Thank you 🙂
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I was curious about what you meant by crazy. I love the quote about explaining your anger. Not easy but true.
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couldn’t agree more. However, it is worth it.
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I have heard of people going that crazy, but I have never actually seen it in person. It is good to know that you realized where you were headed and were able to change the course of your life.
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Thank you, Dawn 🙂
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Thank you for sharing your journey. Many of us have been there. Some share and some don’t. It takes courage to be self-reflective and open. Namaste
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Thank you for reading as well 🙂
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I can totally relate to you Kat! I have had similar experiences where I used to become angry like cray! I totally agree that it does nothing good for us. You just wrote what I feel, what I have experienced and learnt from my mistakes. Damn we are similar!
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I am happy we are both in a much better place and head space now 🙂
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Nice one i gotta love the make ups
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Thanks to MakeUp Plus 🙂
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sometimes is not that we are crazy but more so unique
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yes, you don’t have to be crazy. being crazy is a state where we are out of control. But the truth is , with much self-awareness, we are in control of our emotions.
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I agree. Being more aware of my self–observing rather than expressing right away has helped me greatly.
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Reblogged this on Alfonzo Words.
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hahhaha! i absolutely love love this post!!! from one crazy person to another. in the fun way (crazy antiques) and the not so fun way (suffer from bi polar) hahah i really related alot to this post and truly found it enlightening. thank you. great insight & wednesday wisdom shared
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Thank you for reading as well 🙂
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I’m loving the honesty in this post. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us, and you’re right: it hurts others as well.
I really liked this line: “I came face-to-face with myself and was confronted with some ugly truths that I am now using to help me grow.” I think we all experience something in our lives that makes us think twice about the direction we’re headed.
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always feelss free and relaxedknowing that we get to face o rlearn a few things when we think or act out of the normal/box. your post is a free minded one so i am glad i read this.
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This post surprisingly has so much positivity in it!! I love that you are growing from experiences it is extremely important in life. x
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August 19, that is my birth date! Yeah I just had to say it hahaha…
Seriously though I love the honesty of this post. We do not want to be judged by other people, yet you had the bravery to share your story and I find it really refreshing. We’re humans, we have the capability to be angry, to act on anger, to not be control all the time. I have had moments of being crazy too, and there is one crazy incident that happened that I’m not proud of. But I am not sorry about it maybe because like you, I have learned so much about this one crazy moment.
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Hehe I will keep that in mind on Aug 19! Thank you for reading this. I am happy to say no events like this have happened since then. Glad we both learned from it 🙂
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I love how real your writing is. I have too gone crazy in the past, and said some awful things, destroyed relationships. Going crazy can be scary x
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Sometimes you need that moment of clarity to be able to look back properly!
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Thank you for the rawness and honesty in this piece. I too had hit crazy a couple of times in my life and have learned that it’s not anywhere near the solution I’ve needed. But sometimes you have to get to the crazy to figure that out.
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