My close friends and readers know that I have been spending the past few weeks doing brain work / mental workouts. I did and have been doing a lot of self-reflection and realized so much.
If you read my previous post, Things I Need To Improve On As A Wife, you would know by now that the first year of our marriage was the most difficult year my partner and I have embarked on since being together in 2012. The things I listed that I needed to improve on played a huge part in it being rocky. Don’t get me wrong, most days were good and peaceful but I will be honest, throughout the year, I was such a big brat– bringing so many things of the past, worrying the way I did as if I was still single, and forgetting what I was made to be: HIS PARTNER, HIS HELPER, HIS HEAVEN on Earth. Because of my own selfishness and insecurities, I forgot my sole duty as a wife is to LOVE my husband UNCONDITIONALLY AS HE IS and PRAY for him TIRELESSLY. God has the rest handled.
Honestly wish I did sooo much better during this first year but I will not be too hard on myself because I am still young (24) and this is the first time I’ve ever been married and WILL be the only time I am.
I want to be as open as I am about this because we get so many notions from society/books/movies of what LOVE/marriage is or should be–when really, there is no one size fits all. Marriage isn’t a fairytale. There are moments that you could probably put in a book or movie but overall, it requires a lot of hard work and requires you to be FULLY present in the moment. Below are 5 things I’ve learned (the hard way) and I am sharing these with you guys in hopes that it will help your current or maybe future relationship. Also writing this, for my own sake so I have something to look at as a reminder when I need it.
- Marriage/companionship is NOT for the weak
– Contrary to popular belief, companionship is actually for strong people. It requires you to work hand-in-hand with someone at all times. It requires two minds working together and sometimes, even requires you to put them before you. By ourselves, we only need to worry and think about 1. With a partner, we always have to think for 2. Our world today praises independence so much and although this can be a good thing, it’s not the way to be if you want to enjoy life with someone. If this isn’t something you care for, (I understand marriage and relationships are not for everyone) then by all means, be as happily independent as you can be.
- You have to keep loving yourself the way you did before your partner was around.
– This is something I struggled with in my first year of marriage. I wish I had a better situation that allowed me to do more for myself–but I will just take this as a lesson I need to learn: to love myself even when I have nothing. (See my Self-Care Sundays for the little things I do for myself)
- You cannot trip on someone not being perfect because you aren’t perfect, too.
– I know this is a pretty basic thing to understand; but as humans, we tend to overlook these things especially when we are wronged. I wish I was able to fully grasp this in a much earlier time. I am guilty for badgering my husband for a mistake he has done in the past–when the act of pestering him itself is very harsh–something a very imperfect person would do.
- Just because they love you unconditionally doesn’t mean they will stay through the worst of the worst. At the end of the day, they are ONLY human, too.
– I have always believed that we are a direct reflection of our partner/people we surround ourselves with most. Greatness cannot be matched with mediocrity and deserves to be given the best (of us). Any person who knows his/her self worth won’t tolerate being treated unfairly/poorly for a long period of time and will leave if we keep putting them in hell.
- Everyday is a NEW day. Leave the past where it is.
– This is something I am trying to master not only in relationships but in life as a whole. So many unnecessary stresses and hurt from yesterday (and yesteryear) accumulates the space in our minds and hearts. As we dive deep in ourselves we will learn that these things do not need to be in our life and we can do so if we only let go (and let God)
*Quote pictures are from pinterest and personal edits. Featured photo is a stock from pexels.com*
I am certainly not a perfect person nor am I a perfect wife. But to be a GOOD person and a GOOD wife is something I aim to be.
For any of my readers who are married or have been in a long (HEALTHY) relationship, please share any success stories/tips you may have. I would love to read them all 🙂